15 Tips on Talking to Your Kids About Coronavirus
Authors: Sophie Ebbeler, PsyD. and Robert L. Casey, PhD.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed with the current situation, we 👏feel 👏you 👏.
The recent COVID-19 outbreak has caused all of us – adults and children alike – to experience drastic changes in our daily lives, routines, and rhythms and exposed us to traumatic information and images, all of which can increase anxiety levels.
Many children may be at risk for experiencing anxiety as a result of these fears and life changes, and how they manifest their anxiety can take different forms; stomach pain, headaches, anger or frustration, repeatedly asking questions, or becoming quiet and withdrawn may all be signs of a child’s attempt to process and cope with anxiety.
A ton of information on how to sanitize and stay physically safe has been circulating; however, we wanted to provide some helpful tips on talking about the situation with kids. We hope these will support you to stay in tune with your family's well-being during this time and beyond.
Check in on your own feelings
Be sure to manage your own anxiety before attempting to help your child. If you are anxious, your children are much more likely to be anxious too.
Use appropriate language
Try to speak to your children in ways that are appropriate to their age and developmental level. Avoid using big words or complicated medical terms. When describing COVID-19, use phrases like “a kind of illness” or “a germ that makes us sick”.
Be aware of your non-verbal communication
When you are speaking with your child be aware of your non-verbal communication. The message you send with your posture, facial expression and tone will likely be picked up by your children. Try to remain as calm and balanced as possible, though you can of course show appropriate emotions.
Acknowledge that things are unusual and difficult
For your children, and most of us, this situation is unprecedented. Acknowledge that schools closing, fun activities being cancelled and the inability to see friends are difficult for your children.
Don’t assume what your children are feeling
Give your children a chance to tell you what they know about the outbreak and how they are feeling. Avoid assuming you know what your children are feeling. Simply ask, ”How are you feeling?”.
Anticipate basic questions
Anticipate questions that children may have and develop appropriate answers. “Why aren’t we visiting our grandparents now?” or “Why is it quieter on the street?”. Answers should be developmentally appropriate, brief and to the point.
Validate your children’s feelings
Acknowledge your children’s emotions by saying things like. “Thanks for telling me, it makes sense that you would be worried about all the stuff that’s been happening”.
Be realistic and empower your children
Be realistic about the danger and explain to children what they can do to reduce the risk of getting sick. This provides children with a sense of control. Like washing their hands, eating healthy and staying away from crowds.
Don’t say “everything is fine”
Avoid your natural parental instinct to say that “Everything’s going to be fine” or “You have nothing to worry about”. Instead, provide realistic and honest reassurance, “We’re going to do everything we can to keep you safe”.
Explain that we are making progress
For younger children, show a photo of a scientist or other visual aids and explain that a lot of smart people around the world are figuring out what’s best. We have already made a lot of progress and know a much more about the virus than we did a few weeks ago.
Encourage your child to ask questions
Even if they are questions you may not know the answer to. Don’t be afraid to say, “That’s a great question. I don’t know what the answer is but I’ll try to figure it out”. When appropriate, have your child help you find the answer and make it a fun activity together.
Set consistent boundaries
Some parents are reluctant to set limits when they know that their child is anxious, allowing children to “get away with” things they normally wouldn’t. This change often increases anxiety in children. Children need to know that their parents are in control, especially when the world seems uncertain.
Keep your routine
Try to carry on with as many normal daily activities as possible. Children are often less anxious when they know what to expect, have structure and routine. Although challenging, do your best to establish a schedule for your child. Playing outside, doing a craft or cooking project, spending time reading, or watching a movie together can be a nice break from video games. Activities also provide distraction from the worries that children might be experiencing.
Limit social media and questionable sources
Be aware of the information, especially incorrect information, that your children are receiving via social media. Provide accurate information and allow older children to directly see news sources when appropriate.
Limit exposure to the news
Limit (or eliminate altogether) younger children’s exposure to news programs, newspapers and other media sources. Although we may seek information to address our own anxiety, repeated exposure to unsettling information and images is not healthy, especially for younger children. Turn off the television before your child hears or sees something that is upsetting. Remember, news programs use sensational headlines to grab attention. This does not always paint a realistic and balanced picture.
We really hope that these tips are helpful for you and your family. Remember, this is a really strange time for all of us, so be patient and keep the conversations flowing. In all this uncertainty, one thing is perfectly clear: we are stronger together.
About the authors
Sophie Ebbeler, PsyD. is a Pediatric and Cognitive-Behavioral psychologist for one of the most prominent hospitals in the Netherlands and a Clinical Advisor of Manatee. She is passionate about preventative healthcare and is specialized in functional and emotional issues in children. She’s also a mom of two adorable kids.
Robert Casey, PHD. runs the Patient Wellness Program at the Center for Cancer & Blood Disorders at Children’s Hospital Colorado and a Clinical Advisor of Manatee. As a clinical psychologist and Associate Professor he is specialized in child mental health and trauma responses in children. He’s a dad of two young adults (19 and 22).