How to Help Your Child Make Friends at School
For kids, friendships are more than playmates: they’re a source of comfort, belonging, and confidence. It can be heartbreaking to hear: “No one played with me at recess” or “I don’t have any friends.”
The good news? Making and keeping friends is a skill, and like any skill, it can be supported and practiced at home. Whether your child is shy, changing schools, or just trying to find their place socially, you can help them take small, steady steps toward connection.
Why friendships matter, and why they take time
It’s easy to feel like every other child already has a “best friend” while yours is left out, but appearances can be deceiving. Friendships often form slowly, especially in new environments.
Quality over quantity:
Even one close friend can make a huge difference.Changing circles:
In middle school especially, social groups shift constantly. Normalize this so kids know it’s not a failure if friendships change.Role of maturity:
Some kids are ready for deeper connections earlier; others take more time. Both are normal.
Here are some strategies that can help you build your child’s confidence in making friends this year at school:
Normalize the process 🙂
When kids worry they don’t have friends yet, reassure them: “It’s okay not to find your person right away. Relationships take time.”
💡 Make it a moment of connection:
Share your own stories of awkward first days or friendships that developed slowly.
Let them know that feeling nervous is normal… and temporary!
Help them with conversation starters 👋
Many kids freeze in social situations simply because they don’t know what to say. Role-playing at home builds confidence.
💡 Practice these “openers”:
“Can I sit here?”
“Want to play?”
“I like your [backpack/shirt]. Where did you get it?”
“Do you want to work on this together?”
For tweens, expand with:
“What’s your favorite show/game right now?”
“Which class do you like best so far?”
Encourage shared activities ⚽️
Friendship grows more easily around a shared task or interest than unstructured conversation.
Encourage your child to try clubs, sports, or creative activities.
Suggest playdates or hangouts built around an activity (baking, biking, art projects).
Remind them that it’s okay to explore different groups until they find where they fit.
Model friendship and emotional skills 👯
Children learn by watching, so make sure they have a good example. Show them how you:
Check in with friends.
Handle conflict with empathy.
Apologize when necessary.
Talk openly about your own friendships and what you value in them. Ask them: “What do you look for in a friend?” This helps them develop clarity and understand what they’re hoping for!
Coach through setbacks
Not every attempt will go smoothly. Sometimes kids face rejection, teasing, or being left out. Be their coach in moments like these.
💡 Tips:
Validate their feelings: “That must have felt lonely.”
Help them reframe: “It doesn’t mean you won’t find a good friend, it means that group wasn’t the right fit.”
Brainstorm new strategies for the next attempt.
Q: How do I help my shy child make friends at school?
Start small—encourage them to say hello, make eye contact, or sit near someone new. Build momentum gradually rather than expecting big leaps.
Q: How many friends does my child really need?
One or two close friendships are enough. It’s about connection and support, not popularity.
Q: What if my child keeps getting left out?
Encourage different settings (clubs, activities) where they can meet kids with shared interests. Stay connected with teachers to see if patterns are emerging.
Friendship isn’t instant. It grows through repeated interactions, shared moments, and small steps of courage. By normalizing the process, giving your child tools, and modeling healthy relationships, you can help them feel more confident walking into the social world of school.
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